And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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