i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
