I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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