Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
