it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
