He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
