The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
zippers are such a cool invention
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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