I wish you could order shots online.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
