if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
