Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
