Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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