Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
