lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
