drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
