I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
