i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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