girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
