the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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