:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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