It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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