Sry I called you an 8
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
