I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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