im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
