I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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