I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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