Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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