There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
