Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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