They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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