i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
