she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
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