I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
