I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
