so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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