Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
