Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
