saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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