it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
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