i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
