Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
