she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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