last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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