i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We had sex on a dog bed..
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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