if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
