I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
