so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
