i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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