I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
