I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
