you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
