do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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