you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
