My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
whose ass print is on the piano?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
