this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
