I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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